Friday the 13th was Maile's birthday!

[basildestiny]

I feel like crap today. I've been really stressed about work and I don't even know what the trouble is. I don't know what is stressing me. It could be the constant queue every night that is never ending. It could be the extremely high standards that I'm held to. It could be the fact that I don't complain very well except to friends. It could be the fact that I feel bad for complaining to those friends. It could be the fact that I feel bad for not talking to Joe anymore, but I don't really even know what to say to him anymore. It could be the fact that a friend who disappears for a while has resurfaced and I feel bad for not returning his calls, but he's the kind of guy who just really wants to whine about life. I should be there for him, but it's just so hard so I avoid it. It could be the fact that I've been late to work so often that I don't know how I can possibly pull this out of the fire, but I don't really want to lose my job either. The job hunt is so annoying. It could be that I'm concerned for my job and I feel guilty that Matt changed departments. I'm trying really hard to communicate with him, but I don't even know what's bothering me. And then tonight, he pretty much went to bed because he was so tired.

We were going to watch StarGate, but I didn't want to watch it because I wanted to play Starcraft for our trip next week. Our competition against his friends. But he didn't feel like playing, he wanted to unwind. I'm feeling guilty because I don't think he'd say something if he felt put upon because he puts me first. I guess I'm worried that I won't put him first. I don't think I do that well enough. I'm not good enough is the worry. It's nothing where I'm lying around completely useless because I'm not good enough, but it's just one of those nagging concerns that I have that I'll fail.

I haven't been to my small group in several weeks and I won't be going this week either. I haven't been in 3 weeks. I didn't go the week I went to Matt's church. The next week I had 101 at the pastor's house. Last week was Mother's Day and I just really needed a day spent at home relaxing. And this weekend I'm working until 11:30. It'll be a whole month before I get back to small group. That's crazy! I miss those folks. I've received a few emails from my small group leaders so that's always nice. It's good to have people there to have your back.

I finally watched Highlander: Endgame last night. WOW! That movie was awesome. How I love me some Highlanders. Connor and Duncan are both awesome. Matt is a Duncan fan and I'm a Connor fan. I told him that I'm Conner's watcher. We're dorks. But I am a converted Duncan fan now. I like Duncan without his long hair. It's much better now. I'm thinking I'm going to buy the soundtrack. I'm also thinking I might want to buy the movie. I have all of the others and it's just nice to have a Connor/Duncan movie. They are making a 5th movie. I hope that Duncan is in it. So far Connor is the only person cast. And of course Connor is played by my beloved Christopher Lambert.

Well I'm feeling better now that I've vented. Notice how I didn't even mention what frustrates me about work. Too bad Matthew had to go and fall asleep. Now I can't just be mellow and myself because he's sleeping.

I am Connor McLeod of the clan McLeod. There can be only one!
~Bas the McLeod Watcher

PS Anyone up for some pictures?

Comments

I love you Janina! From Matt

[mlwhite617.livejournal.com]

You have never disappointed, I know how life is, we all get in strange moods. You are the only one for me, God gave me his best. I hope I am not the one that is keeping you from talking to this old guy friend who has recently started contacting you again. Don't worry about me I will get over it, if you feel like you need to talk to him to help, please help him. Sorry I fell asleep I was really tired that day. And yes I would not say anything if I was put upon, but don't worry I love you and I want the best for you even if I have to be quiet every now and then. You can never fail me as long as you keep loving me. I think its the act, not the end result.

And btw, Duncan does Rule!