basildestiny | They say I must kill before I learn to feel safe

But I would rather kill myself than be their slave

Hail to the almighty Goth bands of late! Rock on, I say! The Used has All That I've Got and that video is totally teh awesome! Also loving My Chemical Romance's Helena. That video is killer too.

Sometimes I just need the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. It helps you feel more alive. You need the negative to fully appreciate the positive!

I was asked on Sunday to explain my fundamental believes and values. And I just haven't had a chance to finish that conversation and the introspection sparked by it is driving me insane. How much do I really want to reveal about myself? It's all so controlled, timed, and calculated. Do I say this? Do I say that I am this way? Do I really want everyone to understand me? I make myself feel special by not fully revealing my character. I think this grew out behaviors and reactions growing up that just developped into a character trait. And the other part of it is that I do not react well to empathy...or rather that awkward empathy that always comes when I tell my story. I walk a lonely road, the only road that I have ever known. But I have walked this road so long that the burden isn't much to bear anymore. It's just how things are and the sun has risen several times on my lonely road and the light is on my face much more often now. So when I tell the story, it's just a matter of fact story telling. It's not to tell you to feel sorry for me for I have suffered. It was the lot I was given, I took it gladly and did what I could with it for it was better than nothing.

So I should be proud of what I believe in and stand up for it? I believe that things change constantly. I believe in chivalry, ethics, doing the right thing, examining things, asking questions, equality, respect. I believe that I can do what is expected of me without any recognition at all. I believe that you should do the right thing even if no one at all ever knows what you did. You just do the right thing. You don't need positive reinforcement from someone else saying you did the right thing. You know what the right thing is to do and you do it. That is what I believe. Those are my core values. The rest is just surplus and doesn't really matter at all. It's just there to pass the time.

For deep inside beats the heart of an outsider-punk-goth-nerd
~Bas

PS I dearly love my friends. It's the little things that friends do to say I'm thinking about you even if we don't communicate as often as either of us would like. Much love, friends and friends list.