Teenage Wasteland!
Wednesday, August 11th, 2004 01:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
basildestinyLately I've been feeling down. More so today. And I haven't wanted to post about it because people always act like depression is such a bad thing and you shouldn't be depressed and when you feel bad people just want you to feel better and be happy! And you feel crazy and people will only comment that I shouldn't worry about it! Things will turn out for the best in the end! Hooray! Happy! So expect comments to be turned off on this one. I feel sad and I feel depressed and dammit feeling this way is only natural. Doesn't mean that I will always feel this way or that I need to take medication. Just means that life is making me sad.
Life is really making me sad lately. For example, I feel extremely taken for granted in my relationship. I feel as though I need to call things off. As though it is inevitable, but then I wonder if I'm not over-reacting. But the truth is that we never talk about the important things. We just always continue on talking about the ho hum everyday things as though our relationship is just fine. I'm sure our relationship is wonderful for him. But it's not for me. And I should bring it up. I should stop censoring myself for his benefit. I need to think about myself in this thing too. I'm always thinking about him and how to make things easy for him. I was over at his place on Sunday because I was just having a bad weekend and wanted to get together and we watched CSI: Miami. But that wasn't the point. The point was that his mom called and she was glad I was over because she likes me. She likes me because I can put up with Sydney. Does he know that I really shouldn't be putting up with what I put up with? Does he? Or does he just think that's how it is and that's my nature? He's tried really hard this year. He did something really nice for my birthday. It just seems like maybe those nice things are too few and far between. I feel badly because I can't do anything nice for him for two reasons. One reason is that I haven't had a job for 4months and I am so out of cash that it's not even funny anymore. The other reason is that I don't know when he gets off work to surprise him. I realize you don't always have to be nice through money.
I get really tired of people online running away from who they are. I guess that's the point of being online and I hate that I have to live online lately. I'd love to get out more, but I have no friends to get out more with. And online people are running from real life. That's why you come online. It's not to be a normal human being. It's not to be complete. It's because you are tired of whatever you normally do in your real world life. I'm sorry that I expect so much out of people. I expect that when I get a job again, I will disappear. I won't want to be online anymore. I won't care about all of the problems people are running away from. So and so doesn't like being serious because it's depressing. Whatsherface doesn't like to talk about politics or really be serious. That one is running from herself.
Ok. So everything else that I was going to rant about has gone out the window. I've spent the last hour quoting "Anchorman" and talking about Garrett's latest movie "Gods of LA." I've seen the rough cut and it's very, very good. It doesn't have an ending yet so I don't know what it's about. I have a rough idea, but you never know until you see the end.
I'm going to see Mean Girls tomorrow
~Bas
Life is really making me sad lately. For example, I feel extremely taken for granted in my relationship. I feel as though I need to call things off. As though it is inevitable, but then I wonder if I'm not over-reacting. But the truth is that we never talk about the important things. We just always continue on talking about the ho hum everyday things as though our relationship is just fine. I'm sure our relationship is wonderful for him. But it's not for me. And I should bring it up. I should stop censoring myself for his benefit. I need to think about myself in this thing too. I'm always thinking about him and how to make things easy for him. I was over at his place on Sunday because I was just having a bad weekend and wanted to get together and we watched CSI: Miami. But that wasn't the point. The point was that his mom called and she was glad I was over because she likes me. She likes me because I can put up with Sydney. Does he know that I really shouldn't be putting up with what I put up with? Does he? Or does he just think that's how it is and that's my nature? He's tried really hard this year. He did something really nice for my birthday. It just seems like maybe those nice things are too few and far between. I feel badly because I can't do anything nice for him for two reasons. One reason is that I haven't had a job for 4months and I am so out of cash that it's not even funny anymore. The other reason is that I don't know when he gets off work to surprise him. I realize you don't always have to be nice through money.
I get really tired of people online running away from who they are. I guess that's the point of being online and I hate that I have to live online lately. I'd love to get out more, but I have no friends to get out more with. And online people are running from real life. That's why you come online. It's not to be a normal human being. It's not to be complete. It's because you are tired of whatever you normally do in your real world life. I'm sorry that I expect so much out of people. I expect that when I get a job again, I will disappear. I won't want to be online anymore. I won't care about all of the problems people are running away from. So and so doesn't like being serious because it's depressing. Whatsherface doesn't like to talk about politics or really be serious. That one is running from herself.
Ok. So everything else that I was going to rant about has gone out the window. I've spent the last hour quoting "Anchorman" and talking about Garrett's latest movie "Gods of LA." I've seen the rough cut and it's very, very good. It doesn't have an ending yet so I don't know what it's about. I have a rough idea, but you never know until you see the end.
I'm going to see Mean Girls tomorrow
~Bas
