I thought of a few things to say
Tuesday, March 16th, 2004 04:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
basildestinyDamn! I am tired. One day of work and I'm totally drained. I feel like a zombie. Normally at 2:45 am, I am feeling so awake.
I have plans for tomorrow. Hopefully I will accomplish at least one of my goals. Tomorrow is The Shield night. I also need to watch Alex and Emma before I return it.
I'm trying to analyze my mood lately. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you have to be happy with yourself. I am happy with myself. But I want to know why I do things sometimes that are contrary to how I envision my character. I want to a noble character and I feel inside myself. I know it is in there. But it doesn't always come out. I need to re-evaluate how I view myself so that my goals and opinions of myself match my behavior. I don't think that being mentally insane is in my character. I think that it may be some selfish needs within myself. I will admit that I am afraid of becoming mentally ill. I've felt myself really close sometimes. Like after Chris' died and the end of last week. I felt like I didn't care. Nothing matter. But was I really feeling mentally ill or was that just the easiest label I could place on it. Besides, being happy with yourself doesn't mean that you can't change yourself, right? I think right. Besides, I've done VERY well with my depression. I used to be depressed quite a bit more. I would indulge myself. I'm not talking about moping about and making everyone else miserable. But I would convince myself that I needed to think about myself more. I do, but I knew how I felt wasn't right. I've really learned to channel that negative energy lately too.
Bah, too much thinking in that paragraph. Even though I don't give a rat's ass if I fill up your friends' page, I'll do a cut all the same.
I really wanted to hate the Darkness. They were such a take off of the old rock bands. But that's exactly what I love about them. I miss good old rock bands all about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Besides, who could hate a band with muppets? Especially Snookums!
I wish Napster would hurry up and get more Rammstein online. I can't be digging through my old CDs. They need more Smashing Pumpkins too. I need to put Rammstien back in the car. And I really need to name that car. It has been faithful! And it's bore the mark--the Rammstein mark--with no complaints. Listening to Till reminds me of my bad ass attitude that I don't give a shit what you think of me. And I'm glad that I still have that attitude. I haven't lost it. I've cultured it and futher developed it. It was what I loved most about punks. And what I love most about Tilla the Gorilla! His good looks and cigarette smoking add to it! Oh. Let's not forget the emotion in his voice. So tribal! I'm such a Till fangirl. I'd say if there were anyone in particular that I fangirl over, it's gotta be that man. Ted Raimi is my idol. Like a lot of the blondes in my collection. Dumbledore also falls into that category. And my other favorite HP characters amuse me in some way. I don't fangirl over any of them. Ok, sometimes I fangirl over Ted Raimi. It's not every day that I get to see him on the big screen after all (Totally did a fangirl when I was Spiderman). I still have that picture of Till that Elly sent to me! It was such a surprise. I really ought to dig out her address and send her something. She sent me valentine's, Till pictures, and ASPCA stickers. She might have been crazy to talk with, but she has a heart of gold down there that I should give her more credit for. Maybe if I wrote her letters? We'll see. I need to find that address.
I hated being a Till fangirl too. I hated Till's fans. I couldn't get along with any of them. I could totally relate with Elly on that level. They would change him or make him too much of the sexual predator with not enough of the intelligence and sarcasm.
I'm anticipating and dreading Julien's birth. It's getting close to the time. I will have to take pictures. Apart from the filming I have been recruited to do. I'm just not sure I'm going to enjoy the whole hormonal woman thing! T and I are close. We put up with each other's shit and never hold grudges! But I just worry that she might be this crazy woman!! Then again, Garrett will be there. If nothing else, I can torment him. Ok, I feel better now. I can't wait to see this baby! Now he just has to hold out a few more weeks.
Oh, the last thing I wanted to mention. I was talking to Punky and we hit on something I didn't even mention in my daily torment at work. That is that people at work love to make fun of Sydney in front of me. It's not playful poking fun of me. If either one of us is in a bad mood, the first joke made is that "so and so needs some loving" said to the one that is not angry. Has it ever occurred to you people that my sex life is fine and it is indeed your bitch asses that is pissing me off? It could be that I can be a very quick witted (and sometimes I feel like I am just plain rude although it's all in the name of being honest) person and they see this joking around and poking fun to be a way to get back at me. It's every damn person that I work with too. Some people aren't as bad about it though. My boss actually understands and respects my relationship with Sydney. He'll joke, but it's never rude or to the point where he questions why I would date Sydney. I should say that my boss and I were co-worker friends for two years before he was my boss. I realize I have what seems to be a public relationship and that I've had some tough times with Sydney. But when I don't laugh at your jokes and haven't laughed or shared in them for months, take a hint! And what do people like to make fun of Sydney for? They like to say that he's an idiot. Except for my boss. I don't think my boss has ever even hinted that Sydney is an idiot. I hate to break it to you guys. While Sydney may have problems articulating himself, he is not stupid. He has a vast understanding of things so complicated that I don't have any hope of ever comprehending them. He has an attention span problem and he's not great with the witty retorts. But he has a very good heart and he isn't stupid. You guys don't care about that, but I wanted to say it anyway. /rant to co-workers
I wanted to find some dj doboy mixes so I downloaded Kazaa. He has so many mixes out there and suggests on his website looking on file-sharing programs. I could always pay the man for some mixes, but I have no idea what he charges since he doesn't have prices listed--he makes this stuff in his freetime--and he has so many mixes. But so far, I've downloaded ONE track. I think I'm going to delete the thing. I don't want to harrassing for sharing files. I don't WANT to share my files, but the damn program has no options to turn it off. I have no intentions of getting into a legal battle. I may not agree with all of the RIAA's tactics, but I do believe artists whose music I enjoy should see my apprecation and I feel the best way I can do that is by purchasing their music. So I have a Napster membership. I pay for my music. I don't want to have to prove it in court though. Ugh! So much trouble. I'm afraid that while dj doboy might be worth it, I may just pay the man and have him make the mixes for me. If he has the time. His trance tracks match my taste in trance. I listened to trancequility 18 last night. It is dated, but damn! It had some great trance on it. Took me to the higher plane for sure!!
Side note: Hierate Mich reminds me of an unfinished Till-Basil fiction I started in which Till asks Basil the question, in German of course! (Hierate Mich = Marry Me) What do you think she said? Great fic. I should finish writing it. Then I'd have to get into my Ted-Basil fics. I think I should do it. I also have that unfinished but started worst fic ever to complete. As well as many other fics. Hierate Mich also reminds me of Till scooting around on a wheelboard asking Paul to marry him. And then asking Richard to marry him. And then he jumped off the stage and pranced around!
Talk to you soon unless a hairy gorilla gives me carpet burn and I can't get out of bed!
~Bas
I have plans for tomorrow. Hopefully I will accomplish at least one of my goals. Tomorrow is The Shield night. I also need to watch Alex and Emma before I return it.
I'm trying to analyze my mood lately. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you have to be happy with yourself. I am happy with myself. But I want to know why I do things sometimes that are contrary to how I envision my character. I want to a noble character and I feel inside myself. I know it is in there. But it doesn't always come out. I need to re-evaluate how I view myself so that my goals and opinions of myself match my behavior. I don't think that being mentally insane is in my character. I think that it may be some selfish needs within myself. I will admit that I am afraid of becoming mentally ill. I've felt myself really close sometimes. Like after Chris' died and the end of last week. I felt like I didn't care. Nothing matter. But was I really feeling mentally ill or was that just the easiest label I could place on it. Besides, being happy with yourself doesn't mean that you can't change yourself, right? I think right. Besides, I've done VERY well with my depression. I used to be depressed quite a bit more. I would indulge myself. I'm not talking about moping about and making everyone else miserable. But I would convince myself that I needed to think about myself more. I do, but I knew how I felt wasn't right. I've really learned to channel that negative energy lately too.
Bah, too much thinking in that paragraph. Even though I don't give a rat's ass if I fill up your friends' page, I'll do a cut all the same.
I really wanted to hate the Darkness. They were such a take off of the old rock bands. But that's exactly what I love about them. I miss good old rock bands all about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Besides, who could hate a band with muppets? Especially Snookums!
I wish Napster would hurry up and get more Rammstein online. I can't be digging through my old CDs. They need more Smashing Pumpkins too. I need to put Rammstien back in the car. And I really need to name that car. It has been faithful! And it's bore the mark--the Rammstein mark--with no complaints. Listening to Till reminds me of my bad ass attitude that I don't give a shit what you think of me. And I'm glad that I still have that attitude. I haven't lost it. I've cultured it and futher developed it. It was what I loved most about punks. And what I love most about Tilla the Gorilla! His good looks and cigarette smoking add to it! Oh. Let's not forget the emotion in his voice. So tribal! I'm such a Till fangirl. I'd say if there were anyone in particular that I fangirl over, it's gotta be that man. Ted Raimi is my idol. Like a lot of the blondes in my collection. Dumbledore also falls into that category. And my other favorite HP characters amuse me in some way. I don't fangirl over any of them. Ok, sometimes I fangirl over Ted Raimi. It's not every day that I get to see him on the big screen after all (Totally did a fangirl when I was Spiderman). I still have that picture of Till that Elly sent to me! It was such a surprise. I really ought to dig out her address and send her something. She sent me valentine's, Till pictures, and ASPCA stickers. She might have been crazy to talk with, but she has a heart of gold down there that I should give her more credit for. Maybe if I wrote her letters? We'll see. I need to find that address.
I hated being a Till fangirl too. I hated Till's fans. I couldn't get along with any of them. I could totally relate with Elly on that level. They would change him or make him too much of the sexual predator with not enough of the intelligence and sarcasm.
I'm anticipating and dreading Julien's birth. It's getting close to the time. I will have to take pictures. Apart from the filming I have been recruited to do. I'm just not sure I'm going to enjoy the whole hormonal woman thing! T and I are close. We put up with each other's shit and never hold grudges! But I just worry that she might be this crazy woman!! Then again, Garrett will be there. If nothing else, I can torment him. Ok, I feel better now. I can't wait to see this baby! Now he just has to hold out a few more weeks.
Oh, the last thing I wanted to mention. I was talking to Punky and we hit on something I didn't even mention in my daily torment at work. That is that people at work love to make fun of Sydney in front of me. It's not playful poking fun of me. If either one of us is in a bad mood, the first joke made is that "so and so needs some loving" said to the one that is not angry. Has it ever occurred to you people that my sex life is fine and it is indeed your bitch asses that is pissing me off? It could be that I can be a very quick witted (and sometimes I feel like I am just plain rude although it's all in the name of being honest) person and they see this joking around and poking fun to be a way to get back at me. It's every damn person that I work with too. Some people aren't as bad about it though. My boss actually understands and respects my relationship with Sydney. He'll joke, but it's never rude or to the point where he questions why I would date Sydney. I should say that my boss and I were co-worker friends for two years before he was my boss. I realize I have what seems to be a public relationship and that I've had some tough times with Sydney. But when I don't laugh at your jokes and haven't laughed or shared in them for months, take a hint! And what do people like to make fun of Sydney for? They like to say that he's an idiot. Except for my boss. I don't think my boss has ever even hinted that Sydney is an idiot. I hate to break it to you guys. While Sydney may have problems articulating himself, he is not stupid. He has a vast understanding of things so complicated that I don't have any hope of ever comprehending them. He has an attention span problem and he's not great with the witty retorts. But he has a very good heart and he isn't stupid. You guys don't care about that, but I wanted to say it anyway. /rant to co-workers
I wanted to find some dj doboy mixes so I downloaded Kazaa. He has so many mixes out there and suggests on his website looking on file-sharing programs. I could always pay the man for some mixes, but I have no idea what he charges since he doesn't have prices listed--he makes this stuff in his freetime--and he has so many mixes. But so far, I've downloaded ONE track. I think I'm going to delete the thing. I don't want to harrassing for sharing files. I don't WANT to share my files, but the damn program has no options to turn it off. I have no intentions of getting into a legal battle. I may not agree with all of the RIAA's tactics, but I do believe artists whose music I enjoy should see my apprecation and I feel the best way I can do that is by purchasing their music. So I have a Napster membership. I pay for my music. I don't want to have to prove it in court though. Ugh! So much trouble. I'm afraid that while dj doboy might be worth it, I may just pay the man and have him make the mixes for me. If he has the time. His trance tracks match my taste in trance. I listened to trancequility 18 last night. It is dated, but damn! It had some great trance on it. Took me to the higher plane for sure!!
Side note: Hierate Mich reminds me of an unfinished Till-Basil fiction I started in which Till asks Basil the question, in German of course! (Hierate Mich = Marry Me) What do you think she said? Great fic. I should finish writing it. Then I'd have to get into my Ted-Basil fics. I think I should do it. I also have that unfinished but started worst fic ever to complete. As well as many other fics. Hierate Mich also reminds me of Till scooting around on a wheelboard asking Paul to marry him. And then asking Richard to marry him. And then he jumped off the stage and pranced around!
Talk to you soon unless a hairy gorilla gives me carpet burn and I can't get out of bed!
~Bas
