Teenage Wasteland!

Lately I've been feeling down. More so today. And I haven't wanted to post about it because people always act like depression is such a bad thing and you shouldn't be depressed and when you feel bad people just want you to feel better and be happy! And you feel crazy and people will only comment that I shouldn't worry about it! Things will turn out for the best in the end! Hooray! Happy! So expect comments to be turned off on this one. I feel sad and I feel depressed and dammit feeling this way is only natural. Doesn't mean that I will always feel this way or that I need to take medication. Just means that life is making me sad.

Life is really making me sad lately. For example, I feel extremely taken for granted in my relationship. I feel as though I need to call things off. As though it is inevitable, but then I wonder if I'm not over-reacting. But the truth is that we never talk about the important things. We just always continue on talking about the ho hum everyday things as though our relationship is just fine. I'm sure our relationship is wonderful for him. But it's not for me. And I should bring it up. I should stop censoring myself for his benefit. I need to think about myself in this thing too. I'm always thinking about him and how to make things easy for him. I was over at his place on Sunday because I was just having a bad weekend and wanted to get together and we watched CSI: Miami. But that wasn't the point. The point was that his mom called and she was glad I was over because she likes me. She likes me because I can put up with Sydney. Does he know that I really shouldn't be putting up with what I put up with? Does he? Or does he just think that's how it is and that's my nature? He's tried really hard this year. He did something really nice for my birthday. It just seems like maybe those nice things are too few and far between. I feel badly because I can't do anything nice for him for two reasons. One reason is that I haven't had a job for 4months and I am so out of cash that it's not even funny anymore. The other reason is that I don't know when he gets off work to surprise him. I realize you don't always have to be nice through money.

I get really tired of people online running away from who they are. I guess that's the point of being online and I hate that I have to live online lately. I'd love to get out more, but I have no friends to get out more with. And online people are running from real life. That's why you come online. It's not to be a normal human being. It's not to be complete. It's because you are tired of whatever you normally do in your real world life. I'm sorry that I expect so much out of people. I expect that when I get a job again, I will disappear. I won't want to be online anymore. I won't care about all of the problems people are running away from. So and so doesn't like being serious because it's depressing. Whatsherface doesn't like to talk about politics or really be serious. That one is running from herself.

Ok. So everything else that I was going to rant about has gone out the window. I've spent the last hour quoting "Anchorman" and talking about Garrett's latest movie "Gods of LA." I've seen the rough cut and it's very, very good. It doesn't have an ending yet so I don't know what it's about. I have a rough idea, but you never know until you see the end.

I'm going to see Mean Girls tomorrow
~Bas

Mr Panera Bread (Or How I Lost My Job By Being a Nice Person)

So I've got a story. It's a good one. It makes me crazy. It was supposed to be included in my last entry, but I got to talking and venting with Garrett and I didn't feel as angry about it. But later on, I realized that I wanted to share it with you all so that you can laugh at my stupidity.

Remember that job I mentioned as a baker? The job that pays really well, but is third shift? Yeah. So I turned in my application last Wednesday. And last Monday (not the 9th) I called the manager and let her know that I was wanting to apply. My friend had already let her know that I was interested and she seemed really excited when I spoke with her that Monday. So Wednesday she picks up my application and my friend calls me to say that she picked it up and that I was the only one to turn in an application and that another baker had quit. So I thought that was great! That meant three positions and I was applying for one. When I spoke on the phone with the manager, she was booked up with two interviews that week but she would interview me in next week (now this week) and that she planned on hiring someone that week. Awesome! So I heard that she hired someone else my friend had recommended without an interview or an application. Down to two positions. But I went out with my best friend's husband (also named Garrett) on Friday and we talked about his crazy work schedule. He works sometimes 80 hours a week, but he's on salary. He does all of the work and gets paid hardly enough for the work he does. So I told him about the job and recommended that he apply. I had already talked to him about it on Monday and by Friday I was mentioning it again. He's already worked at Panera and currently he's an assistant manager at another bread company. I figured he ought to get paid for what he does or maybe at least have some time off. So our friend, Cyle, called on Friday and I mentioned that Garrett was interested and that Cyle should put the word out for him. I gave Garrett the manager's number that I had and went about my merry little way. Well it's Tuesday night and I still hadn't heard from the manager. So I gave her a call. She lets it slip that she's been busy interviewing people and that she's been talking to people who have more experience than I do in the bread industry. And someone who has worked at Atlanta Bread and Panera. My heart drops and I get off the phone with her as soon as possible. I know who that person is. It's my best friend's husband. It's the father of my godsons. It's my high school friend. He's more experienced. I can understand why they would pick him. I want him to get the job. He's actually very upset about it. He didn't want to take the job over me. He knows I've been unemployed for four months. But it's my fault for pushing him and getting him in touch with the right people.

Meanwhile I haven't heard back from the vet I interviewed with on Monday. Everyone asks about that. The truth is that I really liked the place. I would love to work there, but I don't know if I impressed her or not. The fact that I have no pets currently is probably a turn off. It makes me sad because I would own a dog if I could. Everyone knows that nothing would make me happier than to have a dog. The interview I thought went well, but it ended with the vet saying she would think about our interview and call the temp agency that day or the next. The job is a Part time deal M-W.

I've also turned away several places this week. There was a lady who called last week that I never called back because I had so many places lined up. There was the place that called on Friday whose number I thought I had lost. I got an email today from a place I emailed my resume to more than a month ago.

What a funny story. I think I'll drive off the interstate into a pole.
~Bas

My favorite characters!

So who are my favorite characters lately? Followed by an interesting question, please comment with your response.

Recently I am in love with, of course, the presidential and vice presidential candidates. I love hearing Edwards talk about healthcare. He's just so darn adorable! Listening to Kerry getting excited about social reform. It's just so great! So exciting for me. I go crazy and need someone to slap me just to make sure that what I'm hearing is what they are really saying. I haven't gone to an alternate universe. I'm not watching a movie. This is real life!

I also really love Senator (former Senator)/9-11 Commission person, Bob Kerrey. If you get a chance to listen to this guy, please do! Check him out. He's just the kind of guy you want to open up to and tell all of your secrets. And I'm being serious about this. He's just honest and open and laid back. Click here for the Daily Show Interview.

Another guy who I recently discovered totally rocks is a republican! Whosawhaty? Did I just say that I like a Republican? LOLWTFBBQ??? Senator John McCain is just the coolest guy! He's rivaling Bob Kerrey for coolness. Here's an example... Jon Stewart: I watched it on tv with the mute on. John McCain: That's the best way. Who doesn't love it? Please Check this video out. He's the funniest guy!!

So here's my question. Please let me know what you think. Senator John McCain is supporting President George W. Bush for re-election. I have a scenario and then the question. John McCain is all by himself in the voting booth. Do you think that he really votes for the president? I mean really. Honestly. Did you watch that video? Watch that video and see what he says about the President. I'm serious.

Well the good news is that I'll be dead.-Senator John McCain
~Bas/J Dawg

Definition Time!

I've been thinking about this word: retard and its variations. People who know someone (or someones) that suffer from... it's hard to define the word without using it...someone who suffers from a slowness get really offended by this word.

I use this word all of the time. Often to describe myself. I just don't see the problem that other people see for two reasons. The reason being I know what the word means. At least for me, it means literally "late." I heard the word all the time in my French classes and I took French for 5 years (7th grade - 12th grade). When you're late, the phrase is "Je suis en retard." I know I've mentioned this in previous entries so I won't beat it too much. The other reason is that I didn't realize people even were retarded in that form. Everything is so PC anymore and there are usually different names for the slowness, a disease which is the source. It's not correct to call anyone retarded because they have a mental illness. I guess the problem is that I'm so liberal that I forget to remember there are still ass-backwards people in the world who mean it with as much venom as they can muster. To me, the word is just funny and people who use it with mean intentions are ...well, retarded, fucking dumbasses, and stoopid!

Which leads into the funny my mom cracked last night. We were in the restaurant and she busts out with telling the waiter "She's retarded," pointing at me! I was so shocked and awed! It was so funny. I wanted her to insult me again because it was so hilarious!
~Bas