Shy or just an excuse?
Thursday, August 17th, 2006 11:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
basildestinyI'm addicted to this song. I don't really know what it is about the song. I guess it could be the feel good summer night kind of feeling it has. Maybe because it doesn't sound like John Mayer, but more like several other folks. Whatever it is, it currently has the ability to lull me right into a good mood.
My mood currently is a bit of anxiety mixed with the easy going attitude that life goes on. It's a lot like it's the end of summer and while I'll miss all of the fun I had this summer having all kinds of summer adventures, it will be nice to see my friends whom I've missed while on vacation.
A lot of depressing stuff jumbling in my head which is trying to defeat me. My brother-in-law's landlord basically kicked him. He redid this month's lease and put his roommate's name on it. The roommate then locked my brother-in-law out and called the cops on him. So he moved home. His brother is Sunday. And he's not sitting round moping, feeling sorry for himself. I know I would. But seeing his reaction, I know that's the wrong way to be and I'm proud of him for getting right back out there in life.
The Ramsey case is 10 years old. Which means that little girl would be 16. My brother would be 17. One day I'll deal with this. It's just worked itself so far in that I can't get to it right now. It's a splinter that I would like to get at, but I've let it go for so long now that I'll just have to wait for it to come out on its own. My sister is a sophomore in high school.
I have no friends right now that I talk to on a regular basis who is not a part of my family. I want to wallow in my own self pity. But it's really my own fault for not getting out there and making friends. Or getting back in touch. It's not what he means by the song, but I think I'm just waiting on them to change instead of changing myself.
I get extremely discouraged when people point out my bad points. It's not because I think I'm perfect. It's not because they are totally wrong by pointing out my faults. It's not because I didn't need those faults pointed out. It's simply because I need to hear about my good points more often. I lose myself too easily focusing on how I'm a bad person. I get too easily caught up in the being unworthy part. I forget about the part that I'm loved just as I am. I forget that being unworthy doesn't diminish that love. So I may be disrespectful. I may lose focus. But I have a large capacity to love. I can be the most excited about something.
I don't post a lot in my livejournal. I feel mediocre about 75 percent of the time that I feel like posting. My livejournal has always been a venting place. I post how I feel in here. But I'm learning respect. I'm learning to stop gossiping about myself. I can laugh at myself without being scandalous. I'm sure I did something completely silly just the other day.
Men need respect. Woman need to know they are loved. I need to work on that in my marriage. I'd get along better with my husband if I could just show him that I respect him. By the same token, I could stand to be loved a little more. Not just the whole it's there, take it for granted kind of respect or love. The tangible, kindness that needs to be more than stated. It needs to be overstated.
I need to write more letters. I let emails rot in my inbox too often. Its because I let myself get overwhelmed by tasks. Today I'm sitting at the computer and finishing my emails. It is important to me to let people know I care. I'll play Kingdom Hearts tomorrow. Sora isn't going to jump out of the game and ask me about my day when I beat the game. Neither will Donald or Goofy.
My mother-in-law had five dogs in her backyard last night.
The leader singer of Audio Adrenaline is losing his voice. He can't sing anymore so this is the band's last year together. I am also obsessed with their song "Starting Over." It's beautiful.
I'm going to visit my dad in five days. Let's pray that I don't allow myself to get stuck in a rut while I'm there. I want to go to the beach. I want to go to Orlando once. I want to start living. Call me, George, if you must, but I want to start living my life instead of being daunted because it seems like it'll be too much work. It's time to let go of the past and look forward to the future. It's never too late to start over.
tell me how i get back to my childhood. i used to think it was so niave. i was so niave
~Bas
My mood currently is a bit of anxiety mixed with the easy going attitude that life goes on. It's a lot like it's the end of summer and while I'll miss all of the fun I had this summer having all kinds of summer adventures, it will be nice to see my friends whom I've missed while on vacation.
A lot of depressing stuff jumbling in my head which is trying to defeat me. My brother-in-law's landlord basically kicked him. He redid this month's lease and put his roommate's name on it. The roommate then locked my brother-in-law out and called the cops on him. So he moved home. His brother is Sunday. And he's not sitting round moping, feeling sorry for himself. I know I would. But seeing his reaction, I know that's the wrong way to be and I'm proud of him for getting right back out there in life.
The Ramsey case is 10 years old. Which means that little girl would be 16. My brother would be 17. One day I'll deal with this. It's just worked itself so far in that I can't get to it right now. It's a splinter that I would like to get at, but I've let it go for so long now that I'll just have to wait for it to come out on its own. My sister is a sophomore in high school.
I have no friends right now that I talk to on a regular basis who is not a part of my family. I want to wallow in my own self pity. But it's really my own fault for not getting out there and making friends. Or getting back in touch. It's not what he means by the song, but I think I'm just waiting on them to change instead of changing myself.
I get extremely discouraged when people point out my bad points. It's not because I think I'm perfect. It's not because they are totally wrong by pointing out my faults. It's not because I didn't need those faults pointed out. It's simply because I need to hear about my good points more often. I lose myself too easily focusing on how I'm a bad person. I get too easily caught up in the being unworthy part. I forget about the part that I'm loved just as I am. I forget that being unworthy doesn't diminish that love. So I may be disrespectful. I may lose focus. But I have a large capacity to love. I can be the most excited about something.
I don't post a lot in my livejournal. I feel mediocre about 75 percent of the time that I feel like posting. My livejournal has always been a venting place. I post how I feel in here. But I'm learning respect. I'm learning to stop gossiping about myself. I can laugh at myself without being scandalous. I'm sure I did something completely silly just the other day.
Men need respect. Woman need to know they are loved. I need to work on that in my marriage. I'd get along better with my husband if I could just show him that I respect him. By the same token, I could stand to be loved a little more. Not just the whole it's there, take it for granted kind of respect or love. The tangible, kindness that needs to be more than stated. It needs to be overstated.
I need to write more letters. I let emails rot in my inbox too often. Its because I let myself get overwhelmed by tasks. Today I'm sitting at the computer and finishing my emails. It is important to me to let people know I care. I'll play Kingdom Hearts tomorrow. Sora isn't going to jump out of the game and ask me about my day when I beat the game. Neither will Donald or Goofy.
My mother-in-law had five dogs in her backyard last night.
The leader singer of Audio Adrenaline is losing his voice. He can't sing anymore so this is the band's last year together. I am also obsessed with their song "Starting Over." It's beautiful.
I'm going to visit my dad in five days. Let's pray that I don't allow myself to get stuck in a rut while I'm there. I want to go to the beach. I want to go to Orlando once. I want to start living. Call me, George, if you must, but I want to start living my life instead of being daunted because it seems like it'll be too much work. It's time to let go of the past and look forward to the future. It's never too late to start over.
tell me how i get back to my childhood. i used to think it was so niave. i was so niave
~Bas
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no subject
Date: 2006-08-17 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-17 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-18 06:05 am (UTC)Knew there was a reason I kept you on the ol' flist. Kidding of course! I like reading your entries.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-18 07:04 am (UTC)If you have MSN, you can always talk to me if you feel like it!
no subject
Date: 2006-08-21 04:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-21 04:56 am (UTC)I've been married since November. :D And I have talked about it, but that's ok. lol It was a quick thing. We dated in April, engaged by July, married in November. Would have done it sooner if the church had been available. We were completely finished with our premarital counseling in September.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-21 05:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-21 03:49 pm (UTC)