basildestiny | Burning for you (Reply)

I've been thinking recently about a couple of things. But at the forefront is the sacrifice that Jesus made for the whole world by sacrificing himself. I am blown away by this on two levels. The first level is that His love for me is astounding! That level is easy. The second level is the one with which I have trouble. I worry that I wouldn't return the favor. This means there is an underlying issue that I'm only willing to give up my live in theory, but not in practice. It's His life bought and paid for, but I don't want to give it up. Or when I think about it, I have doubts that I would. I can't say 100% certain that I'd rather die. That worries me. It bothers me that I feel I wouldn't die for my faith. I think it has to do with the residue of sin left in my life. I may be clean and forgiven, but I'm not unaffected. I had so much negativity for the Christian faith in particular but religion in general. It was such a negative thing to be religious. You're a fanatic and uneducated. It is my hope as I write this that I can hit upon the source and move to the next level in my faith. For example, why does it matter if I seem uneducated when the educated base their "truths" about relgion on their own personal opinions and not facts. It's this whole assumption of conspiracies. That since we've been lied to before, we should not only ponder other things we may have been lied about, but actually just make the assumption that no one has told the truth about anything. And suddenly there's a whole new world to ponder of what the truth might actually be. It's an interesting exercise in logic, but it is make believe. And it's on down the spiral from there. I think that would mean that part of the issue is that I'm still learning my defensive stance on this new rock. I can sit on it just fine, but weilding a weapon and dodging attacks is differenct. I'm still learning. The only way to learn is to try it.

Something to think about
~Bas