The more you ignore me, the closer I get. You're wasting your time
Sunday, July 18th, 2004 07:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
basildestinyI have come to conclusions. They aren't deep or profound or really anything new, just some thoughts that I am finally able to articulate.
Just as a side note, having a baby will hurt!! OUCHIES! I suddenly dread the pain and have moments of never wanting to have a kid. But no worries for a wahile anyway and I'm easily brought back to the dark side when I hang out with some kiddies. Besides, the world does need more people like me, right? ;)
I've been convinced for ages that people know who they are by the time sixteen or so rolls around. By the time you graduate from high school or whatever public school, you know who you are. The next step is to figure out how to be a functioning part of society. I just wanted to get this down because I remember when I was 16 and 18 thinking that I didn't understand what people meant when they said that teenagers were too young to know who they were. I wondered if I was more mature (which will always be a possibility) or people were just wrong. 'Adults' enjoy being mysterious when it comes to teenagers.
Finding myself at this golden age of adulthood, I find myself confused more so than I was as a teenager. I ponder things that I had figured out 8-10 years ago. And I've realized that I've torn myself apart trying to fit into a society that is so fake and based on first impression and talking about nothing at all. I reject that idea now that I've realized what has happened.
And I thank Morrissey! Thank you, Morrissey. Your music reminded me of my years spent not being a moody teenager. That's right, I was never moody as a teenager. I'm more moody now than I was growing up. I was even and dependable and modest and a bit shy and self-sacrificing. I never did understand why I was always being lumped in with the drama queens. I wasn't that way. No. I was pretty far more even than all of that. Especially when you threw in my rocky past. I think based on my rocky past. It did me no good to be unstable and moody. And I thank you, Mr. Morrissey for these memories. I cannot believe that I forgot The More You Ignore Me. Such a classic song for me.
I am so sore today. It'll pass. My sister is undecided and my mom and I are in opposite political parties. I think my dad and I are in opposing parties. And I'm pretty sure my brother and I are in opposing parties. Most fascinating.
I watched Luke Wilson play golf today. It was pretty sad actually. Poor guy. Not that I could play well at all, but apparently he's not used to playing in front of people. It was good fun though. Beautiful golf course and I liked the rules for the game. Tom Arnold is still a pervert, but he does crack me up.
I have felt pretty torn up since seeing Fahrenheit 9-11. It was sad for me to realize that everything I have been trying to convince myself is true has just been me fooling myself. I am a conspiracy theorist. I am angry that I tried to kill that part of me in order to fit in. But I was trying to balance the side of me that is not paranoid with my conspiracy theory side. I know the balance now. You won't find me duct taping my windows every time the stupid color code of terrorism changes, but I'm not going to believe every thing that I'm told. And no, this doesn't apply to my friends. There is a level of trust between friends even if you never really know anyone. But it was pretty devastating to realize I'd been fooling myself.
Sing your life!
~Bas
Just as a side note, having a baby will hurt!! OUCHIES! I suddenly dread the pain and have moments of never wanting to have a kid. But no worries for a wahile anyway and I'm easily brought back to the dark side when I hang out with some kiddies. Besides, the world does need more people like me, right? ;)
I've been convinced for ages that people know who they are by the time sixteen or so rolls around. By the time you graduate from high school or whatever public school, you know who you are. The next step is to figure out how to be a functioning part of society. I just wanted to get this down because I remember when I was 16 and 18 thinking that I didn't understand what people meant when they said that teenagers were too young to know who they were. I wondered if I was more mature (which will always be a possibility) or people were just wrong. 'Adults' enjoy being mysterious when it comes to teenagers.
Finding myself at this golden age of adulthood, I find myself confused more so than I was as a teenager. I ponder things that I had figured out 8-10 years ago. And I've realized that I've torn myself apart trying to fit into a society that is so fake and based on first impression and talking about nothing at all. I reject that idea now that I've realized what has happened.
And I thank Morrissey! Thank you, Morrissey. Your music reminded me of my years spent not being a moody teenager. That's right, I was never moody as a teenager. I'm more moody now than I was growing up. I was even and dependable and modest and a bit shy and self-sacrificing. I never did understand why I was always being lumped in with the drama queens. I wasn't that way. No. I was pretty far more even than all of that. Especially when you threw in my rocky past. I think based on my rocky past. It did me no good to be unstable and moody. And I thank you, Mr. Morrissey for these memories. I cannot believe that I forgot The More You Ignore Me. Such a classic song for me.
I am so sore today. It'll pass. My sister is undecided and my mom and I are in opposite political parties. I think my dad and I are in opposing parties. And I'm pretty sure my brother and I are in opposing parties. Most fascinating.
I watched Luke Wilson play golf today. It was pretty sad actually. Poor guy. Not that I could play well at all, but apparently he's not used to playing in front of people. It was good fun though. Beautiful golf course and I liked the rules for the game. Tom Arnold is still a pervert, but he does crack me up.
I have felt pretty torn up since seeing Fahrenheit 9-11. It was sad for me to realize that everything I have been trying to convince myself is true has just been me fooling myself. I am a conspiracy theorist. I am angry that I tried to kill that part of me in order to fit in. But I was trying to balance the side of me that is not paranoid with my conspiracy theory side. I know the balance now. You won't find me duct taping my windows every time the stupid color code of terrorism changes, but I'm not going to believe every thing that I'm told. And no, this doesn't apply to my friends. There is a level of trust between friends even if you never really know anyone. But it was pretty devastating to realize I'd been fooling myself.
Sing your life!
~Bas
