Apathy doesn't make me happy
Thursday, May 6th, 2004 01:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
basildestinySo, didn't go searching for a job today either. I don't know what's wrong. I think part of the problem is that I need to clean my room. When that is in order, I'll feel free to find something else to do.
Well I have been feeling a little black and white since Leland left. It's like the color has drained out of my life as soon as he left. I look back at the pictures we took when he was here and I remember that happiness. It's a great feeling. And I know I shouldn't rely on someone to make me feel alive. But I do. I was thinking that I should lose weight. And that when I've lost wieght, I should have a child. When Leland was here, I got little sleep because I found I wanted to get out of bed and do something. It's not the job or lack thereof that's getting to me. I've felt this way for a while. I think it's this mid-life crisis I've been trying to have. Or maybe it's more of an empty nest syndrome like my mom has been feeling. Goes back to that whole having raised my children. And I'll think that I should get a job because there are some things that I want, but then I think that being homeless might not be so bad. Not that I would even know. I just enjoy this feeling of insanity sometimes. Being insane would be so much more fun. Maybe I need to move to a big city. But I like the scenery.
I watched Shawshank Redemption again today. I kind of feel like Andy. I feel like this bored person with nothing really to do. But he gets inspired when faced with opposition. I'm just faced with apathy. It doesn't inspire in the least.
I finally watched Alex and Emma. I had to watch it so I could remember Luke Wilson. I was getting pretty caught up in Evan Rosier. I think he plays a great Evan Rosier. It was a very good Luke Wilson movie. I don't care what the critics said about it. I enjoyed it. I think being an English Major it spoke to me. I knew exactly what Alex was talking about when he said the characters speak to him. I know his frustrations when he's having to explain that his characters live in his head. It was great fun.
Evan Rosier is a sick bastard. Maybe Francis Nott and Severus Snape will come back soon. I have tried not to be whiny about it. But I really miss Niki. She's my best buddy online. She's the reason I got into the MWPP game. The only reason I read it at first. And now Maile is in Las Vegas. I'm trying to be all mature about it. But damn! I hate that my peeps are gone!! Come back soon, peeps! I need you! You enrich my life more than you know.
I had some pictures developped this weekend and just got them back. I thought I was missing some pictures as my camera has this knack for cutting off the last picture. But then I remembered that I have another roll still in the camera. That's good because there's one picture I really want to see. It will probably be an awful picture though.
Do you know what I didn't do today? I didn't open the curtains in my room. That's kind of a letdown to realize now at 12:30 at night.
I'm not depressed, I'm apathetic
Bas
Well I have been feeling a little black and white since Leland left. It's like the color has drained out of my life as soon as he left. I look back at the pictures we took when he was here and I remember that happiness. It's a great feeling. And I know I shouldn't rely on someone to make me feel alive. But I do. I was thinking that I should lose weight. And that when I've lost wieght, I should have a child. When Leland was here, I got little sleep because I found I wanted to get out of bed and do something. It's not the job or lack thereof that's getting to me. I've felt this way for a while. I think it's this mid-life crisis I've been trying to have. Or maybe it's more of an empty nest syndrome like my mom has been feeling. Goes back to that whole having raised my children. And I'll think that I should get a job because there are some things that I want, but then I think that being homeless might not be so bad. Not that I would even know. I just enjoy this feeling of insanity sometimes. Being insane would be so much more fun. Maybe I need to move to a big city. But I like the scenery.
I watched Shawshank Redemption again today. I kind of feel like Andy. I feel like this bored person with nothing really to do. But he gets inspired when faced with opposition. I'm just faced with apathy. It doesn't inspire in the least.
I finally watched Alex and Emma. I had to watch it so I could remember Luke Wilson. I was getting pretty caught up in Evan Rosier. I think he plays a great Evan Rosier. It was a very good Luke Wilson movie. I don't care what the critics said about it. I enjoyed it. I think being an English Major it spoke to me. I knew exactly what Alex was talking about when he said the characters speak to him. I know his frustrations when he's having to explain that his characters live in his head. It was great fun.
Evan Rosier is a sick bastard. Maybe Francis Nott and Severus Snape will come back soon. I have tried not to be whiny about it. But I really miss Niki. She's my best buddy online. She's the reason I got into the MWPP game. The only reason I read it at first. And now Maile is in Las Vegas. I'm trying to be all mature about it. But damn! I hate that my peeps are gone!! Come back soon, peeps! I need you! You enrich my life more than you know.
I had some pictures developped this weekend and just got them back. I thought I was missing some pictures as my camera has this knack for cutting off the last picture. But then I remembered that I have another roll still in the camera. That's good because there's one picture I really want to see. It will probably be an awful picture though.
Do you know what I didn't do today? I didn't open the curtains in my room. That's kind of a letdown to realize now at 12:30 at night.
I'm not depressed, I'm apathetic
Bas
