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Creating space between us until we're seperate hearts
Friday, September 1st, 2006 04:56 pmI was at the high school yesterday, picking my sister up from her color guard practice. I was so determined when I was 18 that I was not going to miss high school. That I was glad it was over and gone. But then I've found myself in years past, wishing I could go back to High School.
Sitting in the parking lot, I realized it wasn't because I enjoyed high school. My sophomore year was the best one and I wouldn't go back and do it over. I just have regrets with what I've done with myself since graduating. And if I could, I would at the least be tempted to make some changes. Be more determined to go to college. And yet, if I had done that, I would have still different regrets.
I found myself today on a few of the high school reunion websites. Two years until our ten year reunion and I don't have any sort of degree. But you know, I don't miss high school. I'm not really curious anymore about my classmates and how they turned out. I'm not envious of those who got married or had children. I find myself being content where I am. Sure there are sorrows. There are regrets. But I'm not unhappy. I have plenty of time and room for improvement. It's not too late. I can start over today. My optimism returns and I remember that every day brings a new dawn.
The sun may have set on a few things which lingered. Which I didn't want to let go, but the future is still out there. I'm not going to let it slip by anymore.
I spent a good amount of time today looking for a job. There are a few things I would like to accomplish, God willing, within the next year. For starters, we'd like to be able to fly down to Florida next year and rent a car. No more of this twelve hour drive. I'm going back to school. I will get my degree. But before that, I may get a certification I should have gotten long, long ago.
Mom's blood pressure has been pretty bad lately. She saw a new doctor yesterday. Found out some things which were good to know. He is a much better patient focused doctor. Mom is going to have to cut back on what she's doing though. I want her to last a lot longer. I'm selffish like that, I suppose.
Oh, on the job front. Still haven't found anything that didn't have some kind of registration fee. Not big fees, but still, it seems a bit suspicious. Hopefully something soon though.
love my friends, thanks for being there for me when I needed you
~Bas
ETA The Riker front is hard. I never did before, but I can now understand why people would want a funeral for their pet. It's closure. When they are alive and fine one minute and then gone the next, you just feel like you're waiting for something. Kira is more clingy at home. She runs outside in the morning and then turns around to look for her brother to run down the stairs and attack the neighbor's dog. The neighbor's dog, Jake, gave me a look last night that seemed to say "What is this? Where's Riker?" The evening routine is completely lacking. No big dog to feed. We're working through the emptiness.
Sitting in the parking lot, I realized it wasn't because I enjoyed high school. My sophomore year was the best one and I wouldn't go back and do it over. I just have regrets with what I've done with myself since graduating. And if I could, I would at the least be tempted to make some changes. Be more determined to go to college. And yet, if I had done that, I would have still different regrets.
I found myself today on a few of the high school reunion websites. Two years until our ten year reunion and I don't have any sort of degree. But you know, I don't miss high school. I'm not really curious anymore about my classmates and how they turned out. I'm not envious of those who got married or had children. I find myself being content where I am. Sure there are sorrows. There are regrets. But I'm not unhappy. I have plenty of time and room for improvement. It's not too late. I can start over today. My optimism returns and I remember that every day brings a new dawn.
The sun may have set on a few things which lingered. Which I didn't want to let go, but the future is still out there. I'm not going to let it slip by anymore.
I spent a good amount of time today looking for a job. There are a few things I would like to accomplish, God willing, within the next year. For starters, we'd like to be able to fly down to Florida next year and rent a car. No more of this twelve hour drive. I'm going back to school. I will get my degree. But before that, I may get a certification I should have gotten long, long ago.
Mom's blood pressure has been pretty bad lately. She saw a new doctor yesterday. Found out some things which were good to know. He is a much better patient focused doctor. Mom is going to have to cut back on what she's doing though. I want her to last a lot longer. I'm selffish like that, I suppose.
Oh, on the job front. Still haven't found anything that didn't have some kind of registration fee. Not big fees, but still, it seems a bit suspicious. Hopefully something soon though.
love my friends, thanks for being there for me when I needed you
~Bas
ETA The Riker front is hard. I never did before, but I can now understand why people would want a funeral for their pet. It's closure. When they are alive and fine one minute and then gone the next, you just feel like you're waiting for something. Kira is more clingy at home. She runs outside in the morning and then turns around to look for her brother to run down the stairs and attack the neighbor's dog. The neighbor's dog, Jake, gave me a look last night that seemed to say "What is this? Where's Riker?" The evening routine is completely lacking. No big dog to feed. We're working through the emptiness.
